The Diner Graveyard

Abandon Hope, all ye who enter here!

This directory contains the reviews of those diners which have been closed, changed ownership, or have been so utterly revamped, as to make the previous review virtually useless.

If you would like to add a comment, or would like to inform me that either something has been placed in this section in error, or that a diner has now closed, please feel free to mail me anytime, day or night. .

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Andy's Diner
Bustleton Avenue and Red Lion Road, Northeast Philadelphia.
11/21/97: Bustleton Avenue and Red Lion Road, Northeast Philadelphia Over the 1996 Thanksgiving holiday, I had the opportunity to review yet another diner with my favorite Dave. Dave delegated to me the actual task of writing the review. I was so overwhelmed and enthused that I promptly lost the notes for the review, only to find them the following August. I was eager to get to get to the task of writing the review, so I tucked the notes carefully into my planner for three months. Now, it is just before Thanksgiving 1997, and I do believe the time has come for me to take this responsibility like a man (i.e., avoid it completely until some might get really really mad).

This is a shiny diner. Overall, it was an acceptable diner experience, however I feel it is my duty to warn the diner traditionalists that there were a few minor bothersome points. First, they use Kraft brand ketchup. Second there are exposed wires at each table, presumably the relics of jukeboxes long gone.

Andy's diner offers both traditional diner favorites and some new-fangled veggie selections. Dave enjoyed his selection of a veggie pita and corn muffin. He was especially pleased with muffin, from the moment the waitress asked him if he would like toasted, to the last savory crumb.

As for the standard tests:
The B and W Milkshake and Cheese Fries ratings are very high. The milkshake was very impressive, and awfully thick. So thick, in fact that sucking it through a straw was almost painful. It was a pleasant pain however, the pain that accompanies anticipation of a great event. (And believe you me, in my world, there are few events greater than a B and W milkshake for me to anticipate, except, perhaps, for my impending accordion purchase.)

The cole slaw received a grade of A-.

General comments:
"Resplendent in chrome!" -Dave
"Two jellies!" -Dave
"Copious cheese." -Lauren

In conclusion, Andy's diner is a fine and pleasant but unspectacular diner experience. Apologies from the author for any misrepresentations due to the delay in the writing of this review. My memories of this diner review with Dave have aged like a fine cheese, which is interesting, because the time I spend with Dave shares many of the qualities of cheese.-- Review by Lauren Flax

7/23/99: I got an email from Gina Esposito who informs me:Andy's Diner in Philadelphia is not only closed, but torn down and being replaced by a pharmacy (Eckerd Drugs, I believe). It was sad to see it razed. It's a loss to our neighborhood, especially since there is a newly built pharmacy across the street, and at least a dozen others within a mile.

Diner on the Square
19th and Spruce Sts. I went to this place with Lauren, so I must confess that I was naturally predisposed to be generous. I will cut to the chase from the outset, and say that it was a pretty good dining experience. The food was, in general, quite plentiful and tasty. It's open 24-7, and, by Lauren's observations,"It is a typical 80's era diner with retro decor. It was probably pretty slick when this place opened. Now, it's just dingy." However, this was somewhat mitigated by the Lilliputian ketchup container. For some reason, its stout and rounded proportions (reminiscent of yours truly) seemed to strike some chord with her. I have some negative comments to make. First, the side of cole slaw (B+ on my scale, B on Lauren's) which comes with the entrees, is of minute proportions. Secondly, the menu, though square (as per the name of the diner), was short for a diner. The veggie melt was good and large, but somewhat greasy. The fries, especially the thin, crispy, "edge" fries, were quite good. My corn muffin was quite good, but somewhat small (by diner standards). Lauren's crabcakes were good, but so utterly symmetric that it became almost eerie. There are large windows, "ideal for people watching, especially homeless artists and other urban dwellers." Finally, Lauren's black and white milkshake was, by her standards, a very find milkshake. It had great consistency, and a terrific flavor.

Dorian's Diner
341 N. Route 130, East Windsor. My first visit to Dorian's (spelled without an apostrophe on their card for some unknown reason) was immensely enjoyable, not least of all because the Diner, itself, was a good example of solid Suburban Dinerhood. I also had the pleasure of going with Becca and conducting the first of what I hope are a number of on sight interviews of the regulars.

To begin with the vital stats, it's fairly large, plenty of parking, open till one during the week and till three on Saturdays. The regulars claim that it's a bottomless cup of Joe (which is great according to the locals), but I was unable to determine whether you need to know someone on the inside, or whether that's true for anyone. The decor was nice and shiny, with booze scattered everywhere. No jukeboxes.

Our waitress was nice and personable. The food was pretty cheap, and my Veggie burger (two sizzling veggie-type patties) were a scant $2.95 including the complimentary pasta salad, bread, and wine (Inexplicably, July is Wine month at Dorian's!), though the latter was better suited for removing paint. I should also point out neither Becca nor I were wholly comfortable with the idea of wine served standard. It seems somehow unwholesome and otherworldly, especially if you consider that in an ideal world, Diners should be frequented by truckers on the job, old people, and high school kids, of whom none should be hitting the sauce (though, of course, pursuant to federal and New Jersey State law, they do not serve people under 21). I also got a side fries, Cole Slaw (A-), and a good pickle. One comment on the food: it was good, but very greasy! The fries and pasta salad were merely the most extreme examples. Oh, I should also make the recommendation that honey mustard dressing on a veggie burger makes a great taste treat! If no-one at your table orders a salad, just ask for the dressing. Becca had spaghetti with sausage (after seeing the concoction that Rich, my roommate, was cooking back at the pad) and apparently the sauce (or "gravy" as they say in some parts) was good, but the pasta was overcooked. Big friggin' portions.

Now for the local juice. We spoke with two of the waitstaff (Carrie and Mike), and a number of the customers (Jim, Katie, Shoshana, Alison, and Jen). All were crazy about the place, as you might expect, but more importantly, were bitterly angry about the Americana which was just down the road. Apparently Mike had been fired from the Americana for coming down to Dorian's to meet friends and drink coffee during his breaks. Shoshona and Alison were thrown out from the Americana for putting up a sign with the word "PENIS" on it, with an accompanying, anatomically correct drawing. Jim, however, claims their expulsion was due to their shaved heads. Apparently, they are no longer welcome there; a policy enforced by Marlene, the hostess.

They have congregated here at Dorian's. They claim that unlike the Americana, which is actively hostile to young (i.e. recent Hightstown High grads) customers, Dorian's will allow the waitstaff to fraternize, and the young folks to loiter. These guys (who in fairness were probably prejudiced by virtue of their friendship with the waitstaff) went on to exalt the service, the cheesecake (likening the cheesecake at the Americana to paste), the chocolate layer cake, grilled cheese, and the root beer floats. They claim that a lot of regulars at the Americana are now at Dorian's every night. What's more, they claim that they will let you in pretty late, even if you only make it in under the wire.

Finally, they raved about how much not only they, but various family members (mothers, grandparents, etc.) love this place. As you can see, there is a strong and devoted following.

Revisit: Charles and I went back to Dorian's about a week after my first visit, and we brought the tape recorder with us despite the fact that we hadn't intended it as a fact finding mission. One of the first things we noticed was that the place is much larger than it seemed on my first visit. There is a second, much brighter room which is apparently not always opened. I wasn't crazy about the color scheme, so we opted for the smoking section. This was only a tea and cake visit, but upon asking our waitress what she recommended, she replied that she normally had the chocolate mousse cake. However, since there was only one slice left, she figured it would be crusty on both sides, and that I might be better off with the German chocolate cake. How right she was! And what candor! I really appreciate it.

1/24/98: I went by Dorian's with Mr. Mike Blanton, and found it closed, and in the process of being transformed into the olympia diner or somesuch. We were most disappointed.

Eddy's Diner
Quincy, MA
10/23/99:Its been gone for a few years now (eight? ten?), the burned-out, boarded-up rem ains bulldozed and built over, but Eddy's Diner in Quincy is missed by those who appreciate real diner food, a bottomless cup of coffee, and a fine place to enjoy it 24 hours a day. By the time I came to know Eddy's, the exterior was cover ed with stucco and brick, but inside it was still a diner, stainless steel with tabletop jukeboxes in vinyl-upholstered booths, pies on display, and cigarette m achine just inside the entrance.

The jukebox had Springsteens cover of Jersey Girl years before you could get in a record store, Mack the Knife, Blue Velvet, New York New York, and enough curr ent stuff to satisfy hoi polloi, and you got two tunes for your quarter long aft er everyplace else charged a quarter each, if they had a jukebox at all.

The smoke could get thick, especially when the bars closed and the night shift c ame in around 2AM, but it was a great place stop on the way back from Nantasket Beach, or for the date test (does she like diners?) or after we wrecked the borr owed 68 Caddy limo (not our fault -- it was a hit-and-run, but Eddys was the o nly bright spot in that night).

The London Broil was always a good bet; with a side salad heavy on the iceberg; rolls and butter; fries, mashed, or baked; peas or carrots; and pudding. The po rk chops and burgers never disappointed. For vegetarians, there was chicken, tu rkey and fish. The green beans werent crunchy, but you could get your breakfas t-anytime steak-and-eggs rare and runny if you liked.

It was my unrealized dream to spend a long weekend at the adjacent Eddys Motor Lodge and eat each meal (and midnight lemon meringue snacks) at Eddys Diner, a fresh roll of quarters by the tabletop jukebox. My advice is to chase your drea ms now, tomorrow may be too late.-- Bob Marville

Golden Coach Diner
Rt. 130, Hightstown. Well, this diner benefits from the advantage that I went there with Manda, who I had not seen in almost a year. Everything was colored more pleasant by this fact. The menu was extremely extensive; the dining room is extensive; the booze list is extensive. More qualitatively, the food was quite good, especially the fried ham and cheese. Excellent fries! Now, this is not something that I normally get very excited about, but in this case, I'll make an exception. The prices are okay, typical for a diner. As for the particulars, the Golden Coach is open 7-12:30 during the week, and 7-1 during the weekend. Oh, and a final note; the fries get a B+.

At some unspecified time, the Golden Coach closed, and reopened as Dorian's, which also subsequently closed.

Mayflower Diner
Located just off I-95 west of New Haven, they make a fine burger and a decent cup of joe. There are phones at the booths. Phyllis says it's a good place to play cards but Lynn says that she was once asked not to play anything there. Elisa bought too much candy there once and it all fused into a mess in her daddy's glove compartment. Also, the Mayflower is a trucker haven. We ordered a Coke on the last trip out there, and the waitress inquired, "wet or dry?" She also threatened us with a belt she had hanging up in the kitchen when we tried to change hash browns to home fries.

1/6/98: I've been informed by Joe Barnaby that the Mayflower is no more. I'm sorry, folks.

The Tasty
Harvard Square, MA.

This place isn't so much a diner as it is an extremely small place which serves incredibly greasy food. However, it's got a counter, and it's open pretty late. Also, it's right in the heart of Harvard Square, so all the really cool high school skater kids and really frightening old people hang around there.

11/4/97: I got an email from Joe Barnaby that the Tasty has closed as of November 1. The story is covered in the Boston Globe.


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